I have often heard mothers say when referring to the birth of their child, “it was love at first sight when I saw her…”. I have heard some Dad’s say the same thing but not as many. We are almost certainly in awe of the birth experience and the joy of having children but I think our bonding with the child takes longer.
It was almost 8 months into the Nicholas’ life before I started to get a bonded feeling. And even then it was a gradual and slow process. Don’t get me wrong here,he was very much my child and I was totally in love with him but it didn’t feel as though it was an emotional bond between the two of us. I knew he was mine and that was special but when I saw my wife and him together I could see I was missing something.
When it happened I knew that I had been missing out. At 10 months he started asking for me. Wanting me to pick him up and wanting to play with me even when his mom was in the same room. It developed into a fully blown bromance that took my breathe away. It’s a magic feeling and I envy guys who get that sensation from the get-go. I had to wait for my fix.
With our second child Luke I took it more gently and didn’t beat myself up about the fact that our connection would take a little longer. We are not in each others lives on an hourly basis (work gets in the way), as he is with my wife and I am also acutely aware that the father-child relationship is not one that breaks. It develops and becomes a very strong and practically unbreakable bond; with Luke that process has just started and it truly is an amazing feeling now that I am aware of the process.
Luckily for me I still have our third child, Oliver to experience that same rush with.
Parenting is a process and we do tend to beat ourselves up with the adult concerns that our children are completely unaware of. In this particular case I chose to ride the wave and know that it is a good one. Some things cant be forced but need to grow organically. It’s far stronger bond that way
Between the school-runs, trips to Baby City and three busy boys under 4, Richard spends the rest of his time divided between a busy business life, presenting a daily radio show at http://www.2oceansviberadio.com and working on his book for first time dads.
Original Article Published on MommyMatters.co.za